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Letting Go! Thank you, Zen master Buck

Letting go is the hardest part. The ultimate challenge. After already having an intense year in which I had to practice letting go several of my close ones, today I had to let go of my best and my most loyal friend. Thank you, Buck for the 12 years you have given me, 12 years of joy, fun, absolute madness and love. Never before have I witnessed a being that humble and friendly, funny and crazy, one that was bringing people together, literally always. Buck, i will miss you. I will miss your presence, your calmness, your curiosity, your liveliness, I will miss you following me around, laying down right next to me always in need for the tiniest of body contact. I will miss you snoring next to me, you enjoying the water and jumping into the worst dirtiest dirt-holes, and loved your scepticism when it was time for a bath. You were so funny when commanding us to throw you a stick or play with you.  I will miss your energy when you realised we would go for a hike, or experience something new. Always, you trusted me through thick and thin.

The Basics

My friend, thanks for showing me to enjoy the moment, to put things into perspective and to have fun in life. Life can be actually very basic, and you were a master in living and teaching exactly just that.

It is amazing to actually realize how much I learned from you and what you have given to me, my family, my friends. It is impossible to put in words. I would guess to live in the moment and take things as they truly are, is the big thing I learned from spending the time with you, through thick and thin. In good and bad times.

In the Moment

No matter how my day was. No matter what happened. You were there. Wiggling. Friendly. Eager, Curious. Trusting. Protective and part of my family. Always, taking it as it is. And wanting food 😊 Jez, I can’t believe you even helped me sign business contracts, you were a regular in conference calls and team meetings and a main factor in who was being employed in our office. Buck, you were more to me than an animal, more than a dog.

Today I lost my companion, my best friend, my zen master, my soulmate or at least the earthly and physical presence of you. You will always live on in my mind, our lives, for sure.

Thank you for everything and especially for the toughest lesson and challenge so far. Enjoying the moments and time we have in this lifetime and letting go when it is time. But I wasn’t aware it is that time already. It is always easy to talk about it and plan for it but everything is different when the time has come. It is a challenge. It hurts. It burns inside and my mind turns on its magic negative self and starts with great images and thoughts around “what if..”, “guilt”, “shame”, “fear”, “blame”, “justification” and so on…

Things change, and they can change quickly

I don’t want to go there but it is interesting to see what happens. The fact that i was traveling last week and unable to spend your last hours with you, having to hear about your passing sitting at some random airport burns inside me, and it makes me question “why” am I doing what I am doing and “what” I want my life to look like. The fact that I left you on Saturday, not even four days ago, in full health and now having to say goodbye to you, having to let go, makes it clear again how vulnerable life is, how special each moment, and how we all can decide on how we spend the time we have. While this is a personal story, I can really see how it applies to both my personal and my professional life. How much thought goes into things from the past, things that didn’t work, thinks that are difficult instead of looking forward, being positive and spending the time wisely with a focus on how to enjoy the moment and make the best out of it. Thanks for helping me reshape my focus, to make sure I spend my time with people that I love, in a job that fulfills me and makes sense and with colleagues that are more than just colleagues. Things change, and they can change fast. That’s life. And death is part of this life we live and love as well. I am grateful for every minute I had with you. I truly appreciate your soul, your being and what you left us.

Thanks for reminding me on what is truly important. 🙏

I am sure you will have the best and most wonderful time wherever you might be right now. Take a swim. Grab some food. Take a nap. Enjoy the sun. Take a shit. Run around like crazy. Enjoy every second of it.

Thank you. I think I understand your message. I love you.


P.s. For anyone reading this and supporting me through this difficult time, I appreciate it, you probably have no idea. I also have to say I work for the best and most supportive company and colleagues ever, thanks for your support. The original article incl. pictures, written on an airplane, can be found here.